Dear readers, did you think I would drop a bomb and abandon you to draw your own conclusions alone? Not likely. Also, I have to offer some context to this jaw dropping revelation of the newest kind of Monster (cov narc).
I will start by alluding to the point in which the “cov narc” is very similar to “regular narc”:
I) Distorted (read inflated) sense of self – the narc must protect his/her ego at all costs. (S)He will atribute all his/her failings to either bad luck or unfavorable conditions and all his/her conquers to herculean effort. My pet narc would often state he was ‘extremely gifted’ in specific skills, such as cooking, drawing and painting, not to mention his favourite occupation (sports). He would share pictures of his ‘achievments’ as teasing ads of an extremely expensive merchandising. Nevertheless, the outcome of his endeavours pretty much resembled Art School activities of a 5 years old average talented child, still he expected recognition, ego stroking and praise matching a reaction to a, say, Toulouse-Lautrec masterpiece. They simply are not able to analyse their own production in a rational, objective way and will fight to death to present whatever they have done as the best handcrafted goods ever.
II) Entitled attitude – narcs assume they deserve better treatment, regardless of how they have behaved previously. Cov narcs even have a trick under their sleeves, playing the victim card often and guilting you into indulging their every desire on a daily basis.
III) Self rightousness – no matter which is the point of view or matter under discussion, the narc is always right. If he loses an argument based on facts, he will appeal to misinterpretaion; if the problem lies on numbers, he’ll call for unreliable statistics; if it is cultural issues, one of the cultures “must” be absurd. Narcs face different opinions as a threat to their self rightousness, as if saying “Everyone is entitled to a point of view, as long as it does not weaken mine by being more logic/reasonable/scientific/reliable”.
IV) Mirroring approach to partner – narcs seek for dates who portrait the same profile they either see themselves being or crave to become. Therefore, they are more likely to approach a victim whose features they long to present or someone who mirrors them already. Now I have seen a lot of folks on Qora stating narcs only date ‘weak’ people, which I strongly disagree. Narcs cannot date weak ones, at least to some extent, because they count on their partners to show up the best supposedly traits of themselves, forcing them to pick the most desireable examples avaliable. However, on the process of being an absolute sucker to this person vital joy, or as the French call it, ‘join de vivre’, the narc weakens his victim to a point (s)he may be seen as easy prey. This is alwful and I cannot stress enough how being in a relationship with a narc can damage a person’s identity, self steem and concept of Humankind.
Now I will close this post with a crucial fact that took me a while to accept: Narcs aren’t evil, they are damaged. Ill, if you prefer. They suffer from a disease which blocks them completely from seeing themselves for what they are and others for what they value, because narcs only know, respect, cherish and protect themselves. They need to be spoonfeed a high dosis of self steem to cope with their own inner insecurities, which they also are unable to recognise. It is so sad being this shred of adult person I cannot feel anything if not sorry for narcissists.