Hello girls anywhere, how are you babies?
Ladies, an announcement – even though I like to have fun watching TV and so, I am not in the mood to pretend to beleive some crap they want us to buy. Of course it´s nice to believe in “vanilla relationships”, romance, funny things men do but, come on, I am thirty years old now. I refuse to be called a fool for persisting in beleive that “There is some perfect guy just waiting for me out there” and, meanwhile I wait for him, I buy some glossy lipstick and fruity scented perfume to put myself on when the “soulmate” finally kneels in the middle of the street and asks my mostoirized hand in marriage. Dah.
So, here the top crap I have seen during the first third of my life and I want them to know I AM NOT THAT STUPID ANYMORE as to beleive such fakes:
1) That movie “How to lose a guy in ten days” should be called ten seconds. Come on: giving your boyfriend a facial out of the blue? Wiping his noose with a paper issue in front of everyone? Please. No matter how hot Kate Hudson is, there´s no second chance for girls who dare that; also, you always have the possibility of finding a gay still in closet who´ll simply love this kind of treatment, or more likely, those jerks still linked to their moms who´ll find you the perfect Mommy #2 (and you don´t want that, trust me).
2) It was ok what we all have seen in the show during 6 years but please, just because it´s a movie you can´t lose your train of thought. The “Sex and the City” movies are b#llsh*t! I´m sorry, pink glassed people, but d#cks like Mr. Big DO NOT GET MARRIED. And, in case they change their minds, they do not forgive and kind of cheating. And, in case they suddently become super altruistic, they don´t prize a concrete cheating with a DIAMOND RING. If “I want the best of both worlds” Carrie Bradshaw wanted compromise, forgiving and diamonds, when she´s got the chance, she should have choosen Aidan Shawn in instead of Mr. Big D#ck…
3) I know, I know, we all love Keanu Reeves and we all love Sandy Bullock but we can´t take the truth and hide it below the rug forever. We women can wait. We wait for days, wait for months, wait for years. And we do it absolutelly clueless. But men… Men can´t wait. Whoever had the misfortune of taking a ride with some guy whose car´s got stocked in traffic, unendessly complaining that his track was the only that was not flowing, knows WHAT I´m talking about. It´s not their fault, however. There is something in the Y crom that pulls them to unbelievable hurry and never being able to keep their hands quiet. That is what makes so hard to beleive that Reeve´s character in “The Lake House” waited for his beloved for 5 years! Come on, five years. Without a letter. Without being able to exchange a word. Knowing that a single try to communicate with the other person in his/hers own time would bring a time paradox and possibly a first class ticket straight to Hotel California. You want a realistic love movie with time paradox? Go for “Somewhere in Time”. And yes, John Barry´s love theme will make you cry much before the last scene conclusion.
In hope of finding less insulting movies in future,
(still single but much more clever)
Thirty years old Carrie.