An article that helped me immensely

21 Toxic Clues That Prove Your Ex Was A Covert Narcissist

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A Layman’s Guide to North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell

Emmy Z. Madrigal

northandsouth


Many of you have watched the 2004 BBC production of North and South starring Richard Armitage and Daniela Denby-Ashe. If you’re like me, you enjoyed it and wanted more. Although the 4-part miniseries is truly long to watch in one sitting, it has so much to love. I’ve watched it many, many times.

But after watching it for the 35th time, I still had questions. What does “I did not notice the color of this fruit” even mean? Did Margaret and Mr. Thornton really meet on the train platform? Seems awful convenient. And did Mr. Thornton truly beat up the smoker employee?

To answer these questions, I turned to the original text, written by Elizabeth Gaskell in 1854. For those of you casual readers, stick to the movie. There is a lot to weed through in the book, and this is one of those texts that could really stop…

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The Ex Pattern ManSplained

Last night after reading a great deal of HG Tudor’s blog (I confess, I am addicted) I fell asleep thinking about my covert narcissist ex fiancé and indeed I dreamt about my ex.

The only odd thing was – it was not that ex. It was an ex ex ex ex, three exes ago, to be more specific. The two of them never met, do not ressemble physically and were dated in 2011 and 2016-7, respectively. Why my mind played such a blend of exes???

…because they are the same. Not the same individual, but they are the very same person – Twenty-something millenials with accurate Narcissistic Personality Disorder with zero empathy and endless entitlement.

Both were very cheap and whiny, were very quick to pretend they were in love with me and both used my resources without a second though. The difference between them was merely cognitive – the first was more low key while the second much more whiny and manipulative.

I particularly loved the way the dream ended – he stared at me remorsefully and stated “I have no hopes regarding your affection. May I please have one last hug?”

And my reply was the one I never gave to any of them: “No, you will never have that from me.”

What is wrong with the Humphreys?

humphreys

Whoever had a bit of free time in the late 2000’s must have caught a glimpse of the trendy Warner show, which evolved around an ‘annonymous’ It-Girl posting all sorts of scandals in her blog. If you did watch it, you must also have noticed a freaky kind of family whose parents didn’t any parenting and kids spent their lives criticising rich people, while behaving equally bad or punctually wore than them most of the time. Still, it’s hard to describe precisely why the Humphreys are so odd. Clue, anyone?

 

I) They have low standards regarding themselves and extremely high regarding the rest of the world.

Rufus, the father, is always moralising his ex wife for cheating while he has held a torch for Lily Van derWoodsen all his adult life. Projecting, anyone?

Dan is always shaming Serena for being who she is while he gets Georgina pregnant, cheats Serena and gets into a threesome. How virtuous.

Jenny often protests against Blair’ practises of scheming and intimidation but once she gets the Queen Bee’s spot her bullying is worse than Blair’s.

 

II) They seek validation outside.

Jenny, Dan and Rufus are always spending great effort to look good in front of others while securing their insecurities and low self steem remain hidden. In one of the first episodes, Jenny states “Well, Dan is dating Serena Van de Woodsen, daddy will make a Revival presentation with his bad and I am going to a Blair Waldorf’s party. Who said this family isn’t awesome?!”. They have no intern validation mechanism, they need others to recognise them as worthy to feel so.

 

III) No matter what happens, they play the victim.

Rufus cheated on Lily? It was her fault!

Dan cheated on Serena? It was her fault!

Jenny betrayed Eric? It was his fault!

 

No Humphrey can go wrong, I assure you!

 

This all points to the whole family being Covert Narcissists. Plus, Dan WAS GOSSIP GIRL.

Suddenly, everything makes perfect sense!

xoxo

C__Girl